Winter 2012: Where To From Here


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Trust me when I say words are unimportant.

Jeffery Campbell Lita Spikes

Punk Deluxe by Skin

Odyssey Skirt by Ricochet

Nina top by Kate Sylvester

(those are gold studs around the collar)

Look! It’s a twinset! Tina top also from Kate Sylvester.

Hitchcock dress from Ricochet

Loyal subjects, I have a confession. This is possibly the laziest post I’ve ever foisted on you. Why? Because this is *essentially* a post listing things I’ve recently bought or am going to get. I’m not going to apologise. BRING IT THE FUCK ON, WINTER! I’M READY FOR YOU.


Wot I Did On My Hols By Cleopatra Aged 26 And Three Quarters


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Loyal subjects, I have no excuses. A new parroty arrival in the house, the winding down of 2011, holidays, the winding up of 2012, the fact that I find warm weather utterly sartorially uninspiring… OK, those are sort-of excuses.

Fuck this words thing, they’re so not the important part. Want to see what I’ve been wearing? Seriously I haven’t been been taking much in the way of photos because blarg, but I have put together a couple of nice looks, and have a new dress or two to show yez.

I’M BACK, BABY! Next up – stuff what I want! For autumn and winter! Bring. It. On.




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Does this title make my bum look conceited?

Look what just happened to pop up in today’s Capital Times!

If you rub it it gets bigger. Or clicking. Clicking works too.

The bad, the rescue, and the right way to do it


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Loyal subjects, there are two types of wardrobe malfunction. There is the laddered stocking, fallen hem, exposed your nipple during the Superbowl half-time show kind, then there’s the ‘there’s something not quite right with this outfit and I’m not sure what’ kind. The second kind is usually easily picked as soon as you get dressed, and ignore those feelings of unease at your peril because they won’t go away. Call me shallow as a mirror, but The Wrong Top can utterly ruin your day for reasons you can’t quite articulate to those around you. So you can either wait until someone tips you over the edge into rage, wrap them in freshly spun silk, and bite their head off to feed your young, or you can actually listen to your instincts and Make It Work.

You heard the man.

An illustration

A few weeks ago I had this wonderful vision of cream lace, red stripes, lacquered roses, and floating through my day. I carefully put together what I thought to be a beautiful outfit, ignoring the little voice in the back of my head which said “you look like an amateur Lolita cosplaying as a candy cane*, not a confident, mature bureaucrat who would like to be taken seriously in the workplace.**”

Nevertheless I pressed on, and fortunately for you, my Loyal Subjects, I got to the photo stage before throwing in the cream lace towel. Behold:

Outfit details: skirt made by me and worn with white petticoat underneath, cream lace top with cream stretch top worn underneath, both from Glassons, cream lacquer roses belt from City Chic, shoes from Mischief Shoes (bows removed)

I would like to point out first off that this is not an issues of ‘flattering’ or ‘slimming’. It’s not even an issue of proportion – I look in proportion and these are all shapes I’m comfortable wearing (I mean, they all came from my wardrobe!). But… but. You see my issue? It’s not… right. Something was off, and I finally gave in to the misgivings, risked being late for work (I wasn’t, everything’s cool guys, it’s fine) and changed things up:

Ye gods, I’m even posing with more confidence! I had been reluctant to add a top to the skirt which was neither cream or red, but I needn’t have worried – this ink blue scalloped blouse is in the same shade spectrum as the deep red, so the effect is of a combination of jewel tones, rather than a myriad of clashing colours. The whole thing feels more modern (says Fifties Girl) and the matching blue wedge booties (Mi Piaci) and cream pearls tie the look together.

Now here’s the thing. I thought the solution was obvious – as a… buxom lass I didn’t feel comfortable in a light coloured top. Simple fix, right?

Wrong. Because Glassons brought out the scalloped blouse in more colours and this happened:

Outfit details: cream/oyster scalloped blouse from Glassons, daisy print skirt made by me, black leather bow belt by Karen Walker, cream heels from Mischief Shoes, Kakapo necklace by Boh Runga

Technically this blouse is ‘oyster’, being a slightly greyed out cream with a light sheen***, but really we’re splitting hairs. It’s a cream top. Which I’m rocking. And pfut goes my theory, no? Loyal subjects, this has kept me awake many a night, but I think it is this: The shape of the cream lace top is younger than the button down blouse, and there is a lot of cream going on in that first, rather outre outfit. For a not-quite-reformed goth who wants to be considered an equal and not a junior in the workplace (no, really) I think I’ve put my finger on why the wrongness of my first ‘cream top’ attempt, and why the rightness of the second. Keep an eye out for my testing the theory by combining the cream lace top with a more grown-up skirt, because I think I’ve cracked the code.

In conclusion, here is Tim Gunn chasing Swatch, the Mood dog:

*Actually I did theme myself in candy cane stripes for the office Christmas party last year. People were stopping me on the street to tell me how amazing I looked and I felt fabulous. This is not then, however. And those people had probably been drinking. Even the darling middle-aged ones. Drinking.

** Also you smell and your Mum dresses you funny.

***I’m a colour geek. So sue me.

Story time: dress magic


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As has been noted here before, I am rather a fan of City Chic. They do nice clothing for fat women which are neither sack-like or condescending in design. Their fabrics and construction might not be the best, but you get what you pay for and it’s fucking awesome to have decently mid-range priced, NICE clothing for young fat people available in Wellington*. Plus the women who work in their Lambton Quay store are LOVELY. More on that later.

So a few months ago I saw this dress on their Facebook page and was all I WAN DIS.

Then I forgot about it.

Then I remembered and went into the store but they didn’t have it.

Then I forgot again.

They never got it in anyway.

~~~ months pass ~~~

A few weeks ago I had a bit of time to kill and wandered into the store.


Yup, one lonely Peter Pan collar dress hanging all by itself in the middle of the rack (I found out later it had been sent to them completely at random). I’m pretty sure my hands moved at the speed of light to grab it, but my ardor was doused when I realised it was, in fact, a size too big.

(credit to Hyperbole and a Half)

Granted, that may be a slight exaggeration (they don’t have a couch in-store) but it was pretty close. But the dress had a tie waist which I reckoned could be winched in, so I gamely gave it a go.

So how’d I do?!

I’m wearing it here with silver t-bar stilettos all ready for a big night out for a friend’s birthday.

Close-up of the neckline:

The trim is a strip of white chiffon-y fabric with tiny silver beads. I’ve got a black camisole underneath for a bit of extra coverage, but it was about 2 minutes after leaving the house that I realised it kept slipping down, and about two glasses of wine into dinner that I stopped caring.

And you want to know the best part?

Two days ago I popped into the store again to ask about this top, and as I walked in the door the sales woman said “ah-hah! You bought the Peter Pan collar dress, didn’t you?! We’ve juuust got in a top you’re going to love…” and started taking the XS off the mannequin before I was even able to say “funny you should say that…”.



*There are some beautiful plus-size stores on Featherston St, and keep an eye out for a post on my new dress from TCD (those guys rock too – they remember my name even!), but to me the difference is City Chic is aimed at the younger market, and is a ‘wander in off the street’ store rather than a separate destination because clearly fat people need to shop in special roped-off areas of the city. I’m being unkind, I know, but I’m also right.

I really do love TCD.