antisemitism? In *my* fashion?, Cleopatra cares not for your pompous bullshit, Colourblocking, Crazy yes chic no, how not to style, I blag about clothes, I really wish I'd bought that skirt, Judgey-face Anteater is judging you, Look ma I'm blagging!, my parrot colourblocks better than that, No I will not be nice why do you ask?, The bitch is back, uncredited images I know I know, You need to vacate the arse you are occupying
Today stuff.co.nz featured an article on colour-blocking! One of my favourite things! Look how exciting colourblocking is:
Ok, total aside but you really need to know just how badly I wanted that skirt in the last picture. I mean really. I cry bitter tears. And make mental note to go buy that replica pattern I found the other day.
Colourblocking is the act, nay, ART (I kid, I kid, jeez) of wearing more than one bright, solid colour in an outfit, even when the colours may not ‘traditionally’ go together. A red wiggle dress with a patent pink belt? Why, yes! An emerald green jacket over a colbalt blue cardigan? Genius! A bright yellow silk shirt with that blue panel skirt and my David Elman yellow patent heels? Ok, now I’m just making myself sad again. The point is, one does not tone down colourblocking by wearing it with black or neutral items, or break it up with a pattern. One fucking rocks it. Oh yeah, I’m wearing bright blue and bright yellow and I’m badarse enough to pull it off! Unless you don’t, y’know, buy the blue skirt because you didn’t have enough money at the time…
So when I saw stuff.co.nz had a featured article on colourblocking I got all excited! Yay! Fun! Cake! Parties!
Except. Oh except.
Before we go any further here is the article in all its
Issue number 1: The title. Loyal subjects, I wear colour of some sort every time I don’t wear black, and I haven’t been mistaken for a child since I got boobs at age 10. So the whole ‘colour for grown ups’? A tad patronising.
Issue number 2, aka The Serious Issue: The original version of this article contained an anti-Semitic slur. I’m not even kidding. Ms Williams claimed wearing a t-shirt over a dress was ‘thrifty’ and therefore appealed to her Jewish heritage. I and at least one other person I know of complained and it has been edited, but it was there, and I’m blogging about it for posterity.
Issue number 3: You see all that colourblocking she’s not doing? Isn’t this fun, kids? I believe the technical term for the styling she’s done there is ‘put a bright cardi over some neutrals’. If you read the words she put with the pictures, technical term ‘article’, you’ll see she’s not actually a fan of colourblocking, and she’s tried to make it more ‘wearable’ in the photoshoot. This begs the question: if a fashion blogger blogs about a fashion she’s only pretending to like, and noone believes her, does it make a sound? Ms Williams, I’m not sure what fashion blog school you graduated from, but I myself have many illustrious fashion blogging degrees, and I wear glasses which automatically makes me 109% more qualified than you to say YOU’RE DOING COLOURBLOCKING WRONG. Also anti-Semitism, although I’m pretty sure you can’t do that right.
I’m aware I need to wrap this up in a logical, well-crafted conclusion which will make all my Loyal Subjects want to rush out immediately and colourblock themselves into a stupor while chanting the URL of my blog in unison to up my follower count, but frankly I’m too annoyed that someone who used fucking neutrals in a colourblocking-themed photoshoot is working in the fashion industry and I’m just looking fucking fabulous all day but not getting paid for it*. So here’s my conclusion: colour-blocking is awesome, stuff.co.nz needs to sort their fashion-bloggy shit.
Must be my Jewish heritage coming out.
*Well I’m getting paid, but that’s for my Working For The Man day job, not for looking fabulous.