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Loyal subjects, I have New York Fashion Week website tabs open, no booze, and there’s only fucking rugby on TV. In fact, the NYFW tabs are my only current proof that rugby hasn’t taken over the world, so I’m going to tell y’all what I think about what the Doyennes of Drapery are telling us we need, dahling.

I wish I had that booze.

There is a moderately well known theory* that women’s hemlines rise in times of economic hardship and fall in times of economic prosperity. From this two things can be concluded:

1. Material becomes more scarce and/or expensive in a Recession.

2. More women take up prostitution when times are tough.

Hmm. Rather than focussing on my failed attempt at an ‘up with skirts, down with trousers’ joke, focus on this: I get that The Powers That Be are trying to be all cool and sociological ‘n’ shit, but if anyone actually tries to wear a handkerchief hemline in my general vicinity I shall be… putting it to good use *sniff*.

Look, you can make all the comments you like about how the handkerchief hemline represents the volatile times in which we live, and I like wild, baseless assertions as much as the next Queen of Egypt, but when I’m being informed that next summer (or, in the case of New Zealand, winter 2015) I shall be wearing this:

I tend to get… twitchy.

Ok, ok, you got me. That’s not an image from NYFW, that’s a random image I pulled from Doctor Google. Here are a couple of images from the BCBG Max Azaria Spring/Summer 2012 NYFW show:

 

I… don’t hate what I’m seeing here. Oh sure it’s not a style I’d wear myself, and there’s some ‘wonderful’ ‘ethnic’ appropriation going on, but the fabrics are beautifully floaty (which is even working with the handkerchief hemline in the third pic), I love the dropped waists, and I’m a sucker for a knife pleat, even when it’s apparently been pleated to the poor model’s neck.

Have I lost my edge, Loyal Subjects?

No.

HAVE SOME GDDAMN ANNA SUI BIATCHES. THIS IS HOW SHIT GETS DONE.

Peplummmm……

That bow dress is going to be in every store ever in about 10 minutes, and I’m SO there.

So I guess you can lead a Queen to a hemline but you can’t make her drink. On the other hand…

THANK YOU PROENZA SCHOULER. Make it in patent leather and I’ll wear pretty much anything. True story.

Oh, and by the way newyorkfashionweek.com, if you’re going to keep scrolling that banner advertising ‘what women want (find out now)’, I’m going to keep muttering “less stupid hemlines” to myself.

 

 

 

 

*This is apparently blogger speak for ‘I can’t be bothered finding a citation right now’. Maybe I’ll just cite Sir Terry Pratchett and be done.

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