… title says it all, really. This is known as my ‘Tim Burton dress’ (worn here as a skirt). I have a bit of a thing for stripes too.
Outfit details: Blue and cream striped dress made by me and worn with a black petticoat underneath for shape, blue scalloped blouse from Glassons, brown/cream lace belt from Glassons, pearls from Diva or Equip or one of those cheapie jewellery places because seriously they’re all interchangeable, black/tan fishnets from Glassons, brown/black boots from Mi Piaci.
Hourglass in a shift dress. No, I haven’t gone mad. The key is to wear a slip (this dress has one built in) and find a dress which neither clings or swamps you. Go up a size if you must, it’s not like anyone gives a flying fuck about numbers on a label. This dress makes me think of flappers, I think it’s the assorted knife pleats at the hem. I can’t usually pull off ’20s inspired things so this pleases your ruler greatly.
I took the opportunity to nab a few photos of this dress with my red and navy striped blazer which I usually wear it with. Today it stayed home because it didn’t match the gunmental grey shoes and my back isn’t good enough for my blue wedge platforms*. But it got the tiniest outing all the way to the camera and back:
This jacket aaaaaaalmost doesn’t work on me because of the stiff, straight lines on my no-straight-lines-at-all-are-you-kidding-me-and-also-boobs shape, but it hits me at that sweet spot on the waist, and as long as I don’t button it up** then it stays ‘framing’ rather than ‘boxy’.
*Yes, I am exactly this anal. Welcome to the inside of my head.
** no chance. Boobs. Doesn’t bother me though, I wouldn’t want to button it anyway SO IT’S NOT LIKE I CARE MOM JEEZ I’M GOING TO MY ROOM TO LISTEN TO GOOD CHARLOTTE AT LEAST THEY GET ME.
Loyal subjects, I’m a fan of block colours. But I’m also a fan of being contrary. So behold your divine ruler mixing patterns in one outfit! If you’re going to try this at home (and of course you are) I’d recommend either sticking with the same colour palette as I have done, or keeping the patterns approximately the same size. Or not. You should know by now I’m not going to order you to do anything you don’t want to! Wait, no, that’s a lie. But you can still wear whatever the hell you want.
Here’s me wearing whatever the hell I want:
Shoes were basic black lace-ups, because my back injury was playing up. But if you like you can imagine I’m wearing something fabulous.
Y’all know what I was going for there. Couldn’t bring myself to finish it.
Love you, Kermit.
And as a bit of a teaser I’ve just bought OPI Gold Shatter, so stay tuned for a review!
And now that I am finished with you, you may go!
I’m still lacking the requisite energy for a substantial post, so instead you’re getting photos of my Rosh Hashanah haul. Rosh Hashanah is Jewish New Year, and my favourite parts are honey cake and new clothes. For the new year, gettit? It’s all symbolic ‘n’ shiz.
So what did I get?
This was my outfit for Synagogue. Yep, that’s, like, half my boob you can see there. That one particular cut-out part is really rather low. My reasoning, however, is that because the actual neckline is solid (it’s an uninterrupted scoop neck) the cut out parts below don’t actually register as “oh hey mammary glands how you doin’?”. Feel free to call me out on my logic in comments.
My other new item, however, is definitely not Synagogue-appropriate:
There’s an angry story behind this t-shirt, but that’ll be another post. For now here is a work outfit:
And a partying like it’s 1995 outfit:
Why 1995, you ask? My makeup reveals all:
boobs and braces a match made in heaven, braces are cool, brown and black together is always a good idea, FUCK YEAH BRACES, outfit post, The Doctor approves of this post, the word 'fuck' typed out 8000 times
FUCK YEAH BRACES.
Fuck yeah shoes that go with braces.
Fuck yeah outfit details: BRACES from Spacesuit, shirt from Glassons, pleated skirt from Pagani, black tights yada yada, shoes from Number One Shoes. I also added my gold chain with little rings after I took these photos. It off-set the BRACES nicely.
Loyal subjects, some might say an hourglass shape shouldn’t wear a miniskirt. Some might say an hourglass shape, being hourglass shaped from front to back as well as side to side, shouldn’t wear anything that adds detail or width around the pooch section (technical term). Some might even say it’s a bit silly to get all dressed up on a rainy Sunday when you’re just popping down to Recycle Boutique to check your account, and maybe raiding the supermarket on the way back.
You know what I say to them?
I SAY “EAT ME, BECAUSE I LOOK AMAZE”.
Outfit details: Leather ruffle mini skirt from Ricochet, tunic worn as top from Supre, broderie anglais over-jacket from that little boutique in Greenwoods Corner, Auckland beside the post office but I can’t remember its name, black tights from wherever all good black tights are sold, wolf leather strap necklace from somewhere in New York years ago.
AW YEAH. CHECK OUT THIS RULE BREAKING RIGHT HERE. I’m very pleased with myself. I don’t get to wear this skirt half as much as I’d like because the exaggerated curve from my thigh to my waist means it rides up like crazy when I sit down. I don’t mind that because let’s face it, if you’re wearing a ruffled leather miniskirt you probably didn’t wake up feeling particularly ladylike that morning… but it doesn’t quite work for me in the office. To be blunt, this skirt doesn’t just show my mid-thigh tattoo when I sit down, it shows tattoos I don’t even have yet.
BUT, Loyal Subjects, I know for a fact that Anne Cordelia from The Red-Headed Snippet owns this very same skirt. And I know for a fact that she has less of a thigh-to-hip curve than I do, and I know for a fact that she is planning a ‘how to wear a ruffled leather miniskirt to work’ post!
(Credit to Hyperbole and a Half)
And now, because it’s my party and I’ll camera-whore if I want to, here’s the results of two days of tight braids:
And I am DONE!
Loyal subjects, I’ve been thinking I had better put my money where my mouth is and post some proper damn colourblocking. Behold:
Ok, ok, I admit it, that’s not me (except for the cameo my fingers are making in the lower right corner). But look at the posing! I think we’ve found New Zealand’s Next Top Model, and this one has the added bonus of an actual personality. He’s probably not skinny enough to walk for World, though. Such is life.
But the actual outfit I’m posting about is not far off from Loki’s natural colour scheme:
Outfit details: orange shirt from Topshop, gold lame belt from Dotti, yellow double-circle skirt made by me, textured nude tights from Glassons, orange suede heels from Plimmer Shoes, necklace from… Grandma? Uncle Ralph? I don’t remember.
I’m wearing a petticoat under the skirt to achieve the 50s shape I love so much, but let’s face it – 6 metres of heavy cotton (and 9 metres of curved hem fuck me my arms were sore the next day) will fall how it pleases.
But why the gold belt? I went with the gold because I don’t own an orange or yellow belt (pftwhatisthis), but I wanted a belt to hold the outfit together. Between the intense, saturated tones of the orange and yellow the gold lame blended in enough to not interrupt the colourblocking while still providing a belt shape. A black, brown, or even silver belt would have called too much attention to itsself. I considered a red belt, and maybe it could have worked, but at the time I decided I didn’t want a third bold colour in there. It’s another possibility for future reference, though.
Similarly my customary big chunky jewellery would have been too much with the bright colours and bold shapes already happening all up in here, so I’m wearing a very delicate necklace with little rings in shades of gold. Again, I wanted to have a necklace, but nothing that drew attention. This is so unusual for me that I think a few friends just fainted.
I’m quite lucky when it comes to bright colours – I have light olive skin, dark hair and dark eyes, so I can pull off any colour in full pigment saturation without needing to carefully balance my makeup to Make It Work*. In fact, I… did the opposite. You saw that coming, didn’t you.
Yellow and orange eyeshadow, with liquid eyeliner. Because when I do insane amounts of colour I damn well do it RIGHT. The red line on my nose is from my glasses. They were getting in the way of the photo. Who knew.
I have one more thing to show you. I went delicate shapes with shades of gold for my necklace, but chose something different for my ears:
Burlwood single flare plugs, 1/2″ but with a 3/4″ face. Tonal without detracting from everything else that’s going on. Colourblocking doesn’t have to reach your ears.
… although if my Frozen Fire orange dichro on white plugs had arrived IT SO WOULD HAVE REACHED MY EARS. I’M JUST SAYING.
Here endeth the lesson.
*Woe betide any attempt to wear pastels, though.