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Loyal subjects, my name is Cleopatra: Last Pharaoh of Egypt, Decendent of Ptolemy the Brother of Alexander the Great, Lover of Julius Caesar. I am an hourglass shape. And I just bought a draped dress.

That was a nasty turn you had there. I will give you a minute to pick yourselves up off the floor.

Before we go any further, I want to play a little game. I want you to imagine an hourglass. Or you could just use this visual aide:

Actually no, those dragon heads are not conducive to my point. You’re just going to have to imagine. Anyway, I want you to now imagine a big piece of cloth (no you do NOT get a visual aide for that one, what are, you, lazy or something?) and imagine it is draped over the hourglass. Shock! Horror! The hourglass is now a shapeless, slightly cylindrical mass.

I’m pretty sure you’ve all seen through my cunning metaphor at this point. Hourglass shapes, those with a bust:hip ration of 1:1 and a very short, pinched bit in the middle (technical term: waist), are not very good at pulling off draped items of clothing. Because here’s the thing – the hourglass shape needs to be treated delicately with emphasis placed on the waist, otherwise it will just get swamped and wil look like no shape at all.

Interlude: I am not talking about size. I don’t give a fuck about size, and neither should you. In fact I intend to devote a post or two to how few fucks about size should be given. This is about SHAPE, not measurements.

So, given that we have established that draped clothes = a really bad idea for my shape… what the fuck have I done?

I MADE IT WORK IS WHAT I DID.

Well technically the dress made it work. It’s the Colonel dress from Ricochet. You’re getting big pictures because I need them for my big point:

Photos taken from the Ricochetnz facebook page. There, I credited.

First off, the following people should be shot:

~ The model, for not showing off the garment to its most full potential. Why in the seven hells would you walk down a catwalk in that dress and NOT stretch out your arms to show the way the fabric falls at the sides?!

~ … ok fine just her. For now. But I’ve got my eye on the stylist, because I’m bored as hell by the styling and iffy about that shade of lipstick.

Anyway, the dress has a waist tie that threads through holes in the fabric from front to back, rather than tying around the whole thing. The last picture above demonstrates the design to best effect, because you can see that the fabric at the sides is not caught in the tie. This way the dress emphasises the waist of the wearer, while at the same time maintaining the draped effect because the material at the sides remains loose.

I know right? It’s like an amazing revelation or something. Hourglass shapes need waist definition, and this is how you get that with draping. I, for one, am pretty damn excited.

Loyal subjects, this has been lovely. But now I must away, to slip into my Vivienne Westwood evening gown, YSL cage booties, and vintage Cartier jewels ready for a dinner with my beloved sweetheart Crystal Renn, prepared for us by our good friend and occasional lover Nigella Lawson*. Ciao!

This post was brought to you by My Excitement Over My New Dress. There will be more thorough, cohesive, and comprehensive essays on dressing different body shapes in the future. No, really. I actually do know what I’m talking about. Promise.

*Translation: I’ve gotta do some damn dishes and check on the laundry.

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